Damn it

So the mama shop uncle asked me to join him n his friends to drink. I said no twiCE n he had to close his shop early??? >:(

Gym Membership @ Amore Fitness

YES. I signed up! It was not a difficult decision to make since

1. I really like dancing and classes,
2. I used to run a lot,
3. I'm very reluctant to join a unisex gym

Ever since I joined my current co, I had no time for anything. And it's going to change from now!
Instead of signing up for dance or yoga classes at a fixed time every week for $100+ per month, I get to go for everything whenever I can find time and get a variety!

Gym equipment are a bonus and the good thing is, you don't get guys hogging the mirrors checking out each other biceps.

Go classes with aunties and people like me.
So exciting! Anyone wants to go gym with me? I will likely frequent the one at Woodlands Civic Center and Plaza Singapura (on weekdays I'm working)

If any one is keen, beep me! or email me @ michelle.lys88@gmail.com

Year End!

In a blink of an eye (or two), 2014 will be over soon.
I realised that thanks to the rah rah of the very volatile relationship, I've not really accomplished anything that I personally want to.

I was promoted at work, but I gained 4kg and feels like shit. Drink a lot more, skive on skincare regime and do very little exercise. I did not sign up for anything on my own and the idling time I have, I sleep. And my wake up call was that I feel like shit. And I should not be. I deserved better. I deserve to look good, feel good and be happy.

AND SO!

In the last month of 2014, I'm busy trying to catch up with lost time by:

1. Revisiting my e-learning of Basic Theory Test so I can get it started again
2. Taking care of my body cos it suffered enough
3. Making an appointment to the gym to see if that might be something I might enjoy
4. Reading up on investment since bonus is coming and we should not be spending money like water anymore. Ignorance is not bliss in this case.
5. On the same note, downloaded an expense app to count my moolahs

And well, I need to be managing my time better too. Only 23 days left to complete 2014!
If there's something you have not done, go do it today!

The girl who can't breakup and the guy who can't leave

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Anywhere together in a 3000 dollar used car
Without a care in the world
Linking arms, committing memories in a photo
Understanding each other in our sleepless nights
My dreams became your future
A pair of beautiful birds chasing each other
A love I could never get enough of
A person I want to meet when reborn
But in front of this thing called time
We can’t win against our greed
Sounds of your tears alone in the bathroom
The suspicious gazes focused on me
As the days go by I think of breaking up again

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

I'm so busy that I feel guilty
I fill my wallet with money and make some time
Even though I don’t express my love
When I have dinner and watch a movie with you
I hope you might feel better but
I continue to be in debt to my thoughts
As I walk and tease you
it’s all a played out game
Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Heartbreak takes love and goes away.

The sun is hot but your heart is frozen
Whose fault is this? But I love you baby
Everything else is the same but we changed
Whose fault is this? I still love you baby

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Love is passing,
Love and heartbreak are one and the same
Heartbreak takes love and goes away. (x2)

How nice would it be if love
was something that could be earned?
(It’s all a dream, holding your hand)
How nice would it be
if love was something to get by wanting it?
(It’s all a dream but I can’t escape)

The girl who can’t say good bye
The boy that can’t leave
The two of us are no longer in love
So no no no no no no (x2)

Are men caught in love done so because of weakness?
Are men starved of love not worthy of it?
Are men that keep secrets bad men?
Why is it that love changes?

Roommate

Its easy to not appreciate what your roommate do for u or the room.

TIll they are gone.

Priorities please.

The girl who cant break up, the boy who cant leave

What should we do from here?

Priorities

Our priorities are not aligned. And I guess that's what's the problem. Its just the wrong timing.

One more month

One more month. I'm not sure if this is what I want.

Simisai

Today is a simi sai day. I dressed up n do all these things for nothing. Go out for 2hours and come back.

And now being ignored even after giving in and apologising. It is a simi sai day.

Help.

Where is this going? I'm confused. Is this what it feels like to b undecided? It was such a painful decision for me to make, only to know that it is not necessary.

But is it not?

Are things going to change? This 2 months had been an ordeal. I concurred. I thought it's the end. Is it not?

Is there more? How much more do I have left? How much more do I have to give?

How much more of me is left? How much more is there left to give?

I held on when I couldn't let go. I was strong. Can I be strong enough to walk on? Now I really need your strength, I really need to talk abt things. I don't think I can do it alone. Can you be the strong one now? Please?

It hurts. Im confused.

Help.

I can't do it on my own.

This is it

Time flies. And it's the last week already. So much has happened in the last 2 months I'm not sure what to feel any more. Actually, I'm not sure about anything anymore. Hahaha.

It's a pity though. A real pity. I thought we're stronger than this. I thought it would be alright.

I thought it would be ok.


And so I thought.

How is it that there are so many happy couples together in the world?

Cry, but after crying, dry ur tears n b strong.

Immortality

The key to immortality is to live a life worth remembering

-Bruce Lee

I am fat from all that beer

爱情让人靠得太近忘了留点余地

Kiss me.

Trust

Trust is a funny thing. It needs to be gained before it's given.

If its given before gained, it's like putting your life on the line. It's like turning your back to the one holding a knife. But u trust that that person will not stab u.

Trust is easy to say. But whether it's easy to do, is a completely different thing.

I trust that he would make a right decision. Regardless of what decision it is. After all, the only thing I can do, that I can give now, is trust.

Without trust, everything doesn't mean anything.

Dream

Had a bad dream. Often, dreams are what brings you back to reality.

Life is harder than it already is. Why make things worse? Live life to the fullest. Do things you will not regret doing. Even it it fails, you know things will be better. It will be.

Do things that makes you happy. Do things that makes you feel good. Life is real. Spend every single moment to your best. And you will shine.

Do things that are worth it. Life is only worthless if you think it is worthless.

Daily Horoscope

My daily horoscope says that the Moon/Neptune conjunction will urge you to protect yourself, hence a difficulty to express your feelings.

One of those days that horoscope's actually a good reflection. I want to crepe back behind my wall, where behind it, is a land absent of pain, of hurt. However, loneliness and the unknown will pay me visits sooner than I realise or care to believe in.

Till now, I still don't understand. How can I forgive, how can I accept, how can I still want to do this? I can only think of one answer. Which is a dumb answer.




Love had turned me dumb.

Tired

I'm tired I'm running low and out.
I'm not sure how long more can i keep this up.

Please come and save me soon.

Fall in love

U fall out so u can fall back in.

I wan to fall in love again.

The irony of love

U said u love the sun,
but u'll always put on ur shades when its sunny.
U said u love the rain,
But u'll draw ur umbrella out when it rains.
U said u love the wind,
But your windows n doors r always shut.
U said u love me,
But u always push me aside.

The irony of love.

Loneliness

Sadness is beautiful.
Loneliness is tragical.

N it's really lonely now.
Im alone.

Just on my own.

2nd Anniversary!

2 years is not long, but it's definitely not short. These 2 years has been full of fun, joy, disturb, challenges and hurdles, but we made it this far. Its amazing isn't it?

This journey has been an incredible roller coaster but I'm glad I'm taking it with you. We grew up together, a little older together. We changed, we changed tremendously. But still, its easy for me to find things to love about you. I'm glad it was you.

Humans, people, they are always looking for the perfect person to be with, The One for them. But I've learnt in these 2 years, that there is no such person. There is no such person because nobody is perfect. But if I only see the good in you, you are perfect in my eyes.

There isn't a perfect couple, that has no challenges and relationship's smooth sailing. There's only a couple who claps and make things works, and never stop falling in love again.

And I don't think I will ever get tired of falling in love with you. Thank you, for being a part of my life, for giving me 2 years of memories, warmth, love, care and a home to return to. I love u.

Happiness

There has been a lot of misconception about happiness; that it's given, it's luck and if you have happy times, you gotta have unhappy times as well.

Over the last couple of days, I finally realised. Happiness is not given or granted by anybody. It's a choice. You choose to be happy, you choose to spend your time with whoever, in the path to happiness, you made every decision that led to it.

If you choose to be upset by something you see or hear and it led to a series of reaction, you chose it.
If you choose to look on the bright side and that doesn't look too shabby, you chose it.
In the end, you will only truly be happy if you CHOOSE to be.
Otherwise, regardless of what people do or say to please you, it will never be enough.
I've learnt this the hard way and realised that what I have done was wrong.
Good thing is, it's never too late to learn to be happy and love yourself more. :)

On the same topic of choice, it's also your partner's choice to stick around. And if so, he/she is recognising that they want to share their happiness with you. Never undermine the power of choice.

Just one reason

Just give me a reason
Just a little bits enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again 
It's in the stars
Its been written in the scars of our hearts
We're not broken just bent
and we can learn to love again
--------------------------------------------------------
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continued learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know
I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
The reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears that's why I need you to hear

I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you.

Mistake

Cos I made a stupid mistake. A stupid mistake.

Speculations

No. It isn't over and yes we r still together. Aiyo, I cannot more free to pcw now meh?

Past

Have you ever wondered how silly it would look if you revisit your past again and think about how silly you are when you were younger?

Have you read what you wrote years ago, impossible to phantom what made you crazy or head over heels over that girl/guy in the first place?

Have you ever wondered how you can love a person so much, get out of the relationship and love another person the same way or more or less?

When you pen down something, it stays. it comes back and remind you of how you feel when you were younger, when you were happier and more innocent.

You thought you could love someone forever, and make him/her your life. You thought that bliss is happiness.

But after a few relationships, you grew. You become smarter, less gullible and much more realistic. You think of the relationship and weigh the pros and cons, the good and bad of being in a relationship with the person, the implications of commitment. You are not longer able to love whole heartedly, innocently and purely. No longer able to cry freely at what you want to because you know better than to do that. And so, you hide. Grown ups hide away from reality, from truth, from hurt to avoid the death blows that they have experienced in other relationships or times.

That's why puppy love are the prettiest. Why don't people strip themselves of the mask they choose to put on and start living? And that's when things would take an unexpected turn. For the better or worse.

Run

I want to go back to running again. Although I stopped for the last 1.5 years because of my knee. zzz.
Let's make use of this time to bring back the me from before and to continue with life. :)

问世间情为何物

人, 本来就是脆弱的。
心, 本来就是感性的。

为何人总是不会珍惜拥有的。
把本有的那颗心砸碎、摧毁。
为何心总是放不下失去的。
坚持着曾经、过去的幸福。

幸福走了、心碎了。
希望毁了、情也冷了。

伤害只会让人领悟残忍。
哭泣只会让人看到卑微。

人生短短，如果情不带给你快乐, 你又何必勉强呢？

Emo Night

His playlist is all so emo. How to avoid at all cost?

Offer

I started this blog thinking that in many many years to come, when I am going to run out of things to share with my grandchild (ren), I will be able to revisit this and find a story. However, there seem to be more sad and trying story from some time ago.

As bleak as the situation is, as much as people tells me he was after other girls and if given a chance, he would ditch me for another better girl, I stopped getting affected. I stopped getting affected not because it doesn't hurt, but because I trust him. I trust that as we agreed 2 years ago, if he find another girl, break up with me before doing anything with her. It's the last respect you can give to the relationship.

And therefore, I accepted his unreasonable unsettling offer, knowing that I would might not be able to handle it. This goes a little across the line of trust. Trust is gained, not asked for or forced. However, What's forever if we cannot even get pass 2 months? What else can I do? In this process, I find that he's right. I learnt to let go.

I let go of a lot, but as I let go and care less, I also realise that I no longer feel what I used to feel. I feel major construction going on and the high-rise walls that used to be, risen again. And it's an accumulated feeling. Over time, will this period make things better? Or for worse?

Somehow it doesn't feel like it'd work. If I don't do anything, how will it rekindle? Or maybe that's exactly what he doesn't want to happen.

:(

Trust

Trust is built over time and all it takes is one small wrong step and you would have broken it.
Letting go and leaving you alone, is just my resignation to fate.
Whatever is mine will come back. Whatever doesn't come back is probably not mine to begin with.

Happy Times

When we were happier, skinnier and in love. When things were less complicated and we are just together because of love.

Recovery

Spiritual cleansing. Get totally drunk.
Feels like sh*t the next day in terms of the heavy head n lack of sleep n intoxication. But at the same time, triumphant that amidst all, you are on the way to recovery.

10 Difficult Things To Do When Your Relationship Is in Turmoil

If you are on the shorter end of the stick and trying to do everything to win your partner back, these are 10 difficult things for you to do, but necessary if you want even a hint of chance / hope to make your partner fall in love with you again.

1. Stop Staring at your Phone

Stop staring at your phone every minute to see if he's going to text you. When he is, he is. Staring at your phone doesn't make him text you more.

Avoid texting him every hour too unless there's genuinely something you want to share with him or something you need to ask him. Avoid asking things that are intrusive and insecure. Avoid asking if he loves you n expect him to answer every hour. Get a life, talk to someone else, get distracted. Think of something that can keep you occupied for at least awhile so u can stay off the phone.

2. Talk About It

It might not be to 10 other people or their mother but you need to talk about it. Talk about it to yourself, talk to your partner, you might be surprise at the wonders mere talking can do. 

3. Avoid Negative Friends

Naturally, everyone will have some negative friends. Friends who constantly tells you the flaws of your partner and you deserve better, friends who tells you I dont think there's any hope in trying to win him/her back, why not just quit and suffer the heart break less. AVOID THEM AT ALL COST. The situation is already bleak enough without their 2 cents. 

4. Hang Out with Friends Who are Happily Attached

This is tough. Especially when they share with you how they overcome it all and became stronger together. But it's better to hang out with them, as much as they are sweet and all in front of you; unintentionally. 

Learn from their experience, suck their positivity and tell yourself that if you manage to work things out, you can be like them too.

5. Cry
Many may think that when your relationship is in turmoil and you are trying to salvage things, you should not cry. That's wrong. Crying is a motion that relieves you, that makes you think better.

Holding it in is just temporary trying to hold a strong front and to hold back your thinking. So be alone, and cry as much as you can. Be in the showers and cry till there's no more tears left.

Once you cross the line and can no longer squeeze a single tear out, you are ready to think of what's next.

6. Don't Listen to Music 
Radio, playlist, songs, musical, anything. Avoid listening to all forms of music because happy songs will trigger what used to be and more often than not, emo songs will activate the hidden tap even after all that crying you did in no. 5.

7. Find a Distraction
Keep yourself busy! Do what you havent been doing on your own since you got together! It can be making new friends, a new hobby, blogging, a new goal to work on, going back to the lifestyle you were in before, playing games, being online. Just. Do. Something. Anything. (Note: that doesn't include finding a new partner or cheating if you want the relationship to work)

8. Make a To Do List
Make a list of things you want to do for your partner in this period. Give yourself a month or two. It can be a gift, a love note, a date, or anything that you can do to or with your partner. And work on it. This can be your No. 7 too but don't have a 1000 points list. Keep it short. 10-20 depending on the duration.

9. Put Your Best Foot Forward
And then you are ready. Put on your best smile and show them what you are. Show them that amidst all these, your love is what keeps you strong and you are ready to give more. You are ready to make things work and you are ready for the challenges ahead. Words can't bring you down. You are confident of your love and that it would bring you anywhere regardless of what challenges awaits.

10. Be Yourself 

I know this is easier said than done. Especially if it comes as a shock to you, the cooling off or breaking up period is the period you break down and cry for no reason everywhere, you are eccentric, feelings are everywhere, everything reminds you of him/her, every song sounds like it's written for you, and there is no source of outlet and of course, your partner is no longer there to offer you support. 

However, be yourself still! Because that is what your partner loved in the first place. Look through old photos and memories of happy times, focus not on why is it like this now but how you can be that happy person in the picture.

Love is effortless when you are in love. But it takes effort to maintain the love and a lot of work to keep or rekindle the spark. So talk to them, fall in love again and again and again! And everything you do would be effortless again.

The Cycle of a Relationship

In a matured relationship of 2 individuals, there is always a cycle. Some couples go through a very fast cycle, some takes more time to reach the full cycle.

What am I talking about?

Well, at first, there is the Wooing Period. During the wooing period, assuming that the guy takes the initiative, it's just really getting to know each other. Getting to know each other better, their likes and dislikes and discovering what really goes on in their life before you that shapes them to who they are today. Duration of the wooing period depends a lot on how much mutual feelings there are and how easy their mentality is to accept a new relationship. If a party has been hurt before greatly in the past, or lost hope in relationship, wooing period then become a milestone should the other party succeed in wooing him/her. Walls need to be torn down and a lot of work has to be done, but if successful, he/she is for you to keep.

Then of course, the most popular period with everyone; the Honeymoon Period. This needs little explanation. Honeymoon period is the period when everyone is happily in love. Nothing comes their way and their love is higher than the highest mountain and deeper than the deepest ocean. They can give the world to each other and be extremely happy, to the extent that friends will want to leave them alone to their lovey dovey. Naturally, the longer this period is, the more happy memories there is to keep. However, this might not necessary be a good thing (Let's touch on that a little later).

After this, of course would be the Quarreling Period, where after spending so much time together, you finally found your differences and each others' dark secrets. You will experience a lot of pain and discomfort in this period and more so, if the methods that one use in quarreling is different. For example, some couples talk it out logically, some fight and shout first before hearing the other party, some just decides to keep quiet to avoid confrontation. From here on, it is a make-or-break period and half the time, people choose to give up their relationship at this stage because they cannot sort out their differences, they cannot agree to disagree, and they cannot take anymore quarreling. This period's duration varies as well, but importantly, whether is it long or short, you find out if this person is really suitable and you choose to either move on, or accept the person for who he/she is. If this period marks the break up for you, cry your lungs out because he/she is not the one for you. However, be happy after you cry your last ounce of tears, because he/she is probably not the one for you if they cannot even survive the first ordeal after the honeymoon period.

Next, I call this the Kiss-and-Make-Up Period. If you make it up to here, congratulations, your relationship is probably one that is understanding, forgiving and fruitful. This will usually be the period where your differences are somewhat sorted and you would like to move a step forward, to be a part of each other's life for a long while. Make use of this period, to shower each other with love and concern.

This period is also the Decision Making Period, where it is plausible that you and your partner makes big decisions about being part of each others life; getting engaged / married, moving in together, getting a pet together etc. This period can be very long as you make many decisions and memories together.

In between, there might be a relapse of quarreling and kiss and make up period. Or relapses.

Some relationships, there might even be a Cooling-Off Period after these relapses for the couple to cool off and re-evaluate if they are suitable to be with each other. Cooling-Off period is also a make or break period, however if it does not work out after this period, break up is less dramatic as both party should come to a conclusion if they are suitable or not.

If they concluded that they are! Then comes the Plateau Period. The period of doom. Many relationships / marriages failed in this period where the relationship becomes stagnant. We are no longer attracted to each other like we were in the Wooing Period and had stopped doing things for each other like in the honeymoon period. Our ways of expressing love evolved through times and familiarity of being with each other. Women use to think that her way of showing her love in her Honeymoon period encompasses looking pretty and dressing up for dates, making cards and sweet DIY things for their men, while in the Plateau Period, their way of showing love encompasses what seems like chores, looking after the kids, washing the clothes (yes, and your dirty boxers), cleaning the house and making your life a little more comfortable. In this period, because of this, the men also becomes lazy and takes the women for granted. The beautiful young woman he fell in love with in the wooing period, has become a grumpy housemaid that jumps at him often for not showing love, for not appreciating and not doing anything. THIS IS THE DANGER ZONE.

During this period, men tries very hard to put in effort to make things work. They try all languages of love on the women of their lives, but somehow.... it doesn't work anymore. He cannot get back the feeling that he first felt in the beginning; the wooing to honeymoon period. He cannot seem to find the spark that motivated him to do everything effortlessly in the past. And all it became, was more effort, failing expectations, responsibilities and at the end, loving her becomes a duty, a chore.

At this point, the relationship will come to a fork path. Some choose to cheat on their partner. To find new thrill, new excitement, new love. At this point, I have to give my personal advise on this. What comes around goes around. If you don't want to be on the receiving end, then don't do this. Remember before you do this, that you are hurting the one who love you the most.

Some choose to end the relationship, because excitement has died, there is no more love which makes everything in this relationship such a heavy responsibility. If both of you feel this way about each other and you both agree that it is not working out even after trying, then go your separate ways. If you make the decision to end the relationship while your partner still loves you for who you are, you are just taking the easy way out. You have used and wasted the time of your partner, the effort, the heart and the love of your partner for you all because you choose to take the easy way out. Why do I say it's the easy way out? The relationship changes as you changed your partner like how your partner changed you. You grow fatter, you grow lazier, you grow into each others lifestyle and habits so much that you didn't even notice. Importantly, you both grow older and hopefully wiser. How can a relationship have the same sparks as when it was 2 year 5 years or 10 years ago?

This will happen to every relationship if you even manage to reach this period, so what action you take here is really important. Instead of choosing to end this on your own, there has to be a Memory-Lane Period. Talk to your partner and let them know how you feel. Communication is the key to every relationship and if you feel that the sparks has gone, are you the only one feeling this way? What can the 2 of you work out to rekindle the spark? Walk down the memory lane together. Don't hang break up around your lips so easily. Words said are the hardest to take back, and it hurts the most if it comes from someone you love. It takes so much to bring 2 individuals together. What made you fell in love in the first place? What was it that you used to do together as a couple that bring the 2 of you closer? Think of 10 things to do or places you would like to revisit with your partner. It can be a new hobby that you both pick up together, it can be a place that you
both enjoyed going or had a great time there before.

This time, when you revisit a place you have been to during your wooing period/honeymoon period, it's not just reminding you of the last time you visited the place. It's also to make new memories and have a different experience at the same place. When you are 22, you go paktor at east coast beach. When you are 25, you go paktor at east coast beach again. It would be different. It would be different each time you go, when you are 30, 50, 60. And remind each other of how much you used to cherish each other. Rediscover, how much you used to love, and the cycle will continue.

Ultimately, every men, women, relationship, couples, they are the same. They would go through the same cycle of relationship and come to an end. The cycle then repeats to 10-20 different partners, but you will come to a point like I did, where you'd see that if a relationship fails, you can make it work. Not on your own, but as a couple. Someone once told me- it only takes a moment for you to fall in love, but if you don't like a person, you know you will never do.

If it takes only a moment for you to fall in love then, everytime you reached plateau period with your partner, you would have to call it out, and start falling in love. Of course, each time, you fall in love for different reasons as you grow, but yet, you can fall for the same person, over and over again.

After all, you did grow together with him/her. Don't give up!

Writing

Someone was right.

1. I haven't update my blog for a long long long long long time.
2. my blog is a damn emo blog.

hahaha. that means that i'm seldom emo which is a good thing.
well, to catch up on not so emo stuff which might bore people who intend to read this for the emo stuff,

1. I recently tendered my resignation but on my last week of notice, my boss kept me and gave me a promo and pay rise.
2. I want to start my own business next year, so I am pretty occupied these days
3. I just shifted, from walkable distance to the mrt to 2 bus stops away not v convenient, but it's near to his dad's and we are planning to survive the July-August heatwaves at night with aircon. LOL
4. and yup, I'm still attached. and I wish to be for another good 40 years or so even though I emo and pen down stuff often.

I realised over time that I am more expressive with writing then talking.
More often than not, what flows through my fingers are more truthful than quick words that escapes my lips.

So yea, maybe I should spend my time writing when I need a distraction. :)

With the advance technology that connects all more generations, its sometimes best to keep to face to face interaction. Knowledge is power. It can't hurt if you dun know.

What a day. Sigh.

Love~

You know it's love when you feel this bliss, so intense it hurts.
You know it's love when he makes it hard to breathe around him.

You know it's love when you gone through so much and are still together.
And still, love each other.

Happy New Year

Say goodbye to 2013 and welcome to 2014 where I look forward to Royal Caribbean in January and Japan in March.

To sum up my 2013 with a song, it has to be this:

2014 has to be a better year.