Life

I've recently started taking Korean classes at ezSAM. I'm only through the 2nd class but it's fun! I've almost forgotten how fun is it to pick up a new language. 

Looking forward to watching Korean dramas and variety shows without subtitles! Heh. It's refreshing to occupy my life with something I really enjoy. And on life, it is finally getting back on track. Just a little bit more. Just a little bit more to my new life. A new beginning. 

Although it is a little scary but it is what makes life interesting. Exciting. 

And something to look forward to. 

For once, I've something to look forward to, on my own. Something not revolving around someone else that excites me. Oh this is just all too new to me.

All my life, I always thought being with someone, being attached brings out the best in me. Being attached half my life, I never knew how to be on my own.

I never knew how liberating solitude is. I've always feared solitude. I'm blood type A. We indulge in small constants. I've never knew how is it like to live alone. To live without depending on someone. To live without caring a damn for the rest of the world.

But now I know.

I never knew how liberating it can be to be on my own.

How it is a such an experience to be on your own. How we do not need to depend on another being to bring out the best in us. What it really means to be awesome by yourself. What it means to stay single and not be bitter with the rest of your friends on Facebook looking happily married.

It is ok to be single. It is ok to to indulge in yourself for a while.

Its ok to be single until you find someone who appreciates you for who you are. The good, the bad, everything that you are. it is ok.

AND if someone tries to change you, leave. It takes more effort to mask you really are. FIND SOMEONE who love you for you.

Dont let anyone change you.

When you finally walk out of it, you will then realise that you are missing a whole new exciting world outside.

Which might get me to where I actually want to get.

I'm glad I took so long to get over. I'm sure everything happens for a reason. :)

I gave u my prime. N now, I returned u yours. Enjoy it, because time is the only thing u cant take back once u give.

像个笨蛋，哭了一整晚。
难到就不可以快乐吗？
就不可以开心吗？
我相信可以。

我可以！

Tomorrow is a new day!

Rested the whole day today. Feeling sickly and under the weather. Suddenly all the cravings to eat crab, bkt, korean bbq. Wonder what's wrong with me. 

I wish there is something I can do to make these cravings, feelings and memories go away. 

They say time will heal. How much time will I need to stop my eyes from randomly tearing? How much time will I need to be ready to face the world? How much tears will I have to cry to not have one more drop left?

Well, guess there is no point worrying about how long it will take when I don't even know if I will be died tomorrow. Let's just take baby steps. Only worry about whats going to happen in the next 24 hours. Beyond that it's too long to plan. 

I'm contemplating of going to the gym or chilling out alone at a cafe after work. Which should I do? 

Hmmms. 

I guess it's over

But I can't let go.

Baby steps, let's  work towards being happy. My life is in my own hands. Happiness is a choice.

First driving lesson

Will it be exciting???

I got my eye checked after barely passing my eye test when I got my PDL.

Right eye increased by 100degrees. No wonder wear specs also not clear. Got myself the right deg lens n BOOM. suddenly my world is so clear.

A lil intimidating thou.

Nonetheless, looking forward to lesson! :D

When u realised I'm really gone, u will be happy. But when u feel sad, that's when u realise I gave u so many chances to stop me from leaving.

February

February used to be my favourite month of the year.

Not in 2015.

Its Valentine's, cny, n my birthday. Everyday is like crawling now. I try to put in my energy at work so much that I feel numb.

They always say, u will find someone better, u deserve to be happy, ur time will come. But how come none of these makes me feel better?

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I enjoy suffering in silence?

Do I enjoy just staying in his shadows waiting for him to come home everyday?

Idk. I really don't. I thought it would be like any others. But it really isn't.

It really isn't because in the beginning, I've already set my mind that after all ive been thru, I don't want to be in a relationship.

I really didn't want to.

But 2.5 years ago, someone changed my mind. And that was the turning point. I grief, I laugh, I ridicule myself- for being silly.

And I'm left with all these memories, all these spare time, all these emptiness, which can't be filled. He cant fill it, I can only work harder.

Why would I even initiate, when I still love u may ask. Well, I wasn't sure if it was what it is. If its anything, its one sided.

If its not, its just that we can't understand the language of love. Even though its so plain- in your face, but no. 我真的説不出离开的原因.

Its a tough time, but I'm glad I have my friends n family in times like this. Ill probably go back, to building my walls. And this time, it will be stronger den ever. While I'm busy building and constructing, let's hope I can stand firm. Even if it means being alone for life, with no one to take care of, let's live life to the fullest.

Lets stand strong because what doesn't break you only make you stronger. Who says we need someone till the end; to give you everything in the world?

算什麼男人

作詞：周杰倫
作曲：周杰倫
編曲：黃雨勳

親吻你的手 還靠著你的頭
讓你躺胸口 那個人已不是我
這些平常的舉動 現在叫做難過
喔～ 難過

日子開始過 我沒你照樣過
不會很難受 我會默默的接受
反正在一起時 你我都有開心過
就足夠

我的溫暖 你的冷漠 讓愛起霧了
如果愛心 畫在起霧 的窗是模糊
還是更清楚

你算什麼男人 算什麼男人
眼睜睜看 她走卻不聞不問
是有多天真 就別再硬撐
期待你挽回 你卻拱手讓人

你算什麼男人 算什麼男人
還愛著她 卻不敢叫她再等
沒差 你再繼續認份
她會遇到更好的男人

你算什麼男人 算什麼男人
眼睜睜看 她走卻不聞不問
是有多天真 就別再硬撐
期待你挽回 卻拱手讓人

你算什麼男人 算什麼男人
還愛著她 卻不敢叫她再等
沒差 你再繼續認份
她會遇到更好的男人

It's funny how I've played this 1000 times over my head and reconsidered 10000 times but yet, when I did it, a part of me died. 

I lost a part of me that will never come back. It is wrong? It is a rash decision?

One of those days

This is one of those days that I've never felt more alone. Maybe its a Pisces thing; but really? If I dun walk forward, you won't look back?

If I stopped, will u realise?

What do I need to do, what can I do, to feel that I still have that little fuel left?