Speculations

No. It isn't over and yes we r still together. Aiyo, I cannot more free to pcw now meh?

Past

Have you ever wondered how silly it would look if you revisit your past again and think about how silly you are when you were younger?

Have you read what you wrote years ago, impossible to phantom what made you crazy or head over heels over that girl/guy in the first place?

Have you ever wondered how you can love a person so much, get out of the relationship and love another person the same way or more or less?

When you pen down something, it stays. it comes back and remind you of how you feel when you were younger, when you were happier and more innocent.

You thought you could love someone forever, and make him/her your life. You thought that bliss is happiness.

But after a few relationships, you grew. You become smarter, less gullible and much more realistic. You think of the relationship and weigh the pros and cons, the good and bad of being in a relationship with the person, the implications of commitment. You are not longer able to love whole heartedly, innocently and purely. No longer able to cry freely at what you want to because you know better than to do that. And so, you hide. Grown ups hide away from reality, from truth, from hurt to avoid the death blows that they have experienced in other relationships or times.

That's why puppy love are the prettiest. Why don't people strip themselves of the mask they choose to put on and start living? And that's when things would take an unexpected turn. For the better or worse.

Run

I want to go back to running again. Although I stopped for the last 1.5 years because of my knee. zzz.
Let's make use of this time to bring back the me from before and to continue with life. :)

问世间情为何物

人, 本来就是脆弱的。
心, 本来就是感性的。

为何人总是不会珍惜拥有的。
把本有的那颗心砸碎、摧毁。
为何心总是放不下失去的。
坚持着曾经、过去的幸福。

幸福走了、心碎了。
希望毁了、情也冷了。

伤害只会让人领悟残忍。
哭泣只会让人看到卑微。

人生短短，如果情不带给你快乐, 你又何必勉强呢？

Emo Night

His playlist is all so emo. How to avoid at all cost?

Offer

I started this blog thinking that in many many years to come, when I am going to run out of things to share with my grandchild (ren), I will be able to revisit this and find a story. However, there seem to be more sad and trying story from some time ago.

As bleak as the situation is, as much as people tells me he was after other girls and if given a chance, he would ditch me for another better girl, I stopped getting affected. I stopped getting affected not because it doesn't hurt, but because I trust him. I trust that as we agreed 2 years ago, if he find another girl, break up with me before doing anything with her. It's the last respect you can give to the relationship.

And therefore, I accepted his unreasonable unsettling offer, knowing that I would might not be able to handle it. This goes a little across the line of trust. Trust is gained, not asked for or forced. However, What's forever if we cannot even get pass 2 months? What else can I do? In this process, I find that he's right. I learnt to let go.

I let go of a lot, but as I let go and care less, I also realise that I no longer feel what I used to feel. I feel major construction going on and the high-rise walls that used to be, risen again. And it's an accumulated feeling. Over time, will this period make things better? Or for worse?

Somehow it doesn't feel like it'd work. If I don't do anything, how will it rekindle? Or maybe that's exactly what he doesn't want to happen.

:(

Trust

Trust is built over time and all it takes is one small wrong step and you would have broken it.
Letting go and leaving you alone, is just my resignation to fate.
Whatever is mine will come back. Whatever doesn't come back is probably not mine to begin with.