February used to be my favourite month of the year.
Not in 2015.
Its Valentine's, cny, n my birthday. Everyday is like crawling now. I try to put in my energy at work so much that I feel numb.
They always say, u will find someone better, u deserve to be happy, ur time will come. But how come none of these makes me feel better?
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I enjoy suffering in silence?
Do I enjoy just staying in his shadows waiting for him to come home everyday?
Idk. I really don't. I thought it would be like any others. But it really isn't.
It really isn't because in the beginning, I've already set my mind that after all ive been thru, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I really didn't want to.
But 2.5 years ago, someone changed my mind. And that was the turning point. I grief, I laugh, I ridicule myself- for being silly.
And I'm left with all these memories, all these spare time, all these emptiness, which can't be filled. He cant fill it, I can only work harder.
Why would I even initiate, when I still love u may ask. Well, I wasn't sure if it was what it is. If its anything, its one sided.
If its not, its just that we can't understand the language of love. Even though its so plain- in your face, but no. 我真的説不出离开的原因.
Its a tough time, but I'm glad I have my friends n family in times like this. Ill probably go back, to building my walls. And this time, it will be stronger den ever. While I'm busy building and constructing, let's hope I can stand firm. Even if it means being alone for life, with no one to take care of, let's live life to the fullest.
Lets stand strong because what doesn't break you only make you stronger. Who says we need someone till the end; to give you everything in the world?
