The Cycle of a Relationship

In a matured relationship of 2 individuals, there is always a cycle. Some couples go through a very fast cycle, some takes more time to reach the full cycle.

What am I talking about?

Well, at first, there is the Wooing Period. During the wooing period, assuming that the guy takes the initiative, it's just really getting to know each other. Getting to know each other better, their likes and dislikes and discovering what really goes on in their life before you that shapes them to who they are today. Duration of the wooing period depends a lot on how much mutual feelings there are and how easy their mentality is to accept a new relationship. If a party has been hurt before greatly in the past, or lost hope in relationship, wooing period then become a milestone should the other party succeed in wooing him/her. Walls need to be torn down and a lot of work has to be done, but if successful, he/she is for you to keep.

Then of course, the most popular period with everyone; the Honeymoon Period. This needs little explanation. Honeymoon period is the period when everyone is happily in love. Nothing comes their way and their love is higher than the highest mountain and deeper than the deepest ocean. They can give the world to each other and be extremely happy, to the extent that friends will want to leave them alone to their lovey dovey. Naturally, the longer this period is, the more happy memories there is to keep. However, this might not necessary be a good thing (Let's touch on that a little later).

After this, of course would be the Quarreling Period, where after spending so much time together, you finally found your differences and each others' dark secrets. You will experience a lot of pain and discomfort in this period and more so, if the methods that one use in quarreling is different. For example, some couples talk it out logically, some fight and shout first before hearing the other party, some just decides to keep quiet to avoid confrontation. From here on, it is a make-or-break period and half the time, people choose to give up their relationship at this stage because they cannot sort out their differences, they cannot agree to disagree, and they cannot take anymore quarreling. This period's duration varies as well, but importantly, whether is it long or short, you find out if this person is really suitable and you choose to either move on, or accept the person for who he/she is. If this period marks the break up for you, cry your lungs out because he/she is not the one for you. However, be happy after you cry your last ounce of tears, because he/she is probably not the one for you if they cannot even survive the first ordeal after the honeymoon period.

Next, I call this the Kiss-and-Make-Up Period. If you make it up to here, congratulations, your relationship is probably one that is understanding, forgiving and fruitful. This will usually be the period where your differences are somewhat sorted and you would like to move a step forward, to be a part of each other's life for a long while. Make use of this period, to shower each other with love and concern.

This period is also the Decision Making Period, where it is plausible that you and your partner makes big decisions about being part of each others life; getting engaged / married, moving in together, getting a pet together etc. This period can be very long as you make many decisions and memories together.

In between, there might be a relapse of quarreling and kiss and make up period. Or relapses.

Some relationships, there might even be a Cooling-Off Period after these relapses for the couple to cool off and re-evaluate if they are suitable to be with each other. Cooling-Off period is also a make or break period, however if it does not work out after this period, break up is less dramatic as both party should come to a conclusion if they are suitable or not.

If they concluded that they are! Then comes the Plateau Period. The period of doom. Many relationships / marriages failed in this period where the relationship becomes stagnant. We are no longer attracted to each other like we were in the Wooing Period and had stopped doing things for each other like in the honeymoon period. Our ways of expressing love evolved through times and familiarity of being with each other. Women use to think that her way of showing her love in her Honeymoon period encompasses looking pretty and dressing up for dates, making cards and sweet DIY things for their men, while in the Plateau Period, their way of showing love encompasses what seems like chores, looking after the kids, washing the clothes (yes, and your dirty boxers), cleaning the house and making your life a little more comfortable. In this period, because of this, the men also becomes lazy and takes the women for granted. The beautiful young woman he fell in love with in the wooing period, has become a grumpy housemaid that jumps at him often for not showing love, for not appreciating and not doing anything. THIS IS THE DANGER ZONE.

During this period, men tries very hard to put in effort to make things work. They try all languages of love on the women of their lives, but somehow.... it doesn't work anymore. He cannot get back the feeling that he first felt in the beginning; the wooing to honeymoon period. He cannot seem to find the spark that motivated him to do everything effortlessly in the past. And all it became, was more effort, failing expectations, responsibilities and at the end, loving her becomes a duty, a chore.

At this point, the relationship will come to a fork path. Some choose to cheat on their partner. To find new thrill, new excitement, new love. At this point, I have to give my personal advise on this. What comes around goes around. If you don't want to be on the receiving end, then don't do this. Remember before you do this, that you are hurting the one who love you the most.

Some choose to end the relationship, because excitement has died, there is no more love which makes everything in this relationship such a heavy responsibility. If both of you feel this way about each other and you both agree that it is not working out even after trying, then go your separate ways. If you make the decision to end the relationship while your partner still loves you for who you are, you are just taking the easy way out. You have used and wasted the time of your partner, the effort, the heart and the love of your partner for you all because you choose to take the easy way out. Why do I say it's the easy way out? The relationship changes as you changed your partner like how your partner changed you. You grow fatter, you grow lazier, you grow into each others lifestyle and habits so much that you didn't even notice. Importantly, you both grow older and hopefully wiser. How can a relationship have the same sparks as when it was 2 year 5 years or 10 years ago?

This will happen to every relationship if you even manage to reach this period, so what action you take here is really important. Instead of choosing to end this on your own, there has to be a Memory-Lane Period. Talk to your partner and let them know how you feel. Communication is the key to every relationship and if you feel that the sparks has gone, are you the only one feeling this way? What can the 2 of you work out to rekindle the spark? Walk down the memory lane together. Don't hang break up around your lips so easily. Words said are the hardest to take back, and it hurts the most if it comes from someone you love. It takes so much to bring 2 individuals together. What made you fell in love in the first place? What was it that you used to do together as a couple that bring the 2 of you closer? Think of 10 things to do or places you would like to revisit with your partner. It can be a new hobby that you both pick up together, it can be a place that you
both enjoyed going or had a great time there before.

This time, when you revisit a place you have been to during your wooing period/honeymoon period, it's not just reminding you of the last time you visited the place. It's also to make new memories and have a different experience at the same place. When you are 22, you go paktor at east coast beach. When you are 25, you go paktor at east coast beach again. It would be different. It would be different each time you go, when you are 30, 50, 60. And remind each other of how much you used to cherish each other. Rediscover, how much you used to love, and the cycle will continue.

Ultimately, every men, women, relationship, couples, they are the same. They would go through the same cycle of relationship and come to an end. The cycle then repeats to 10-20 different partners, but you will come to a point like I did, where you'd see that if a relationship fails, you can make it work. Not on your own, but as a couple. Someone once told me- it only takes a moment for you to fall in love, but if you don't like a person, you know you will never do.

If it takes only a moment for you to fall in love then, everytime you reached plateau period with your partner, you would have to call it out, and start falling in love. Of course, each time, you fall in love for different reasons as you grow, but yet, you can fall for the same person, over and over again.

After all, you did grow together with him/her. Don't give up!

Writing

Someone was right.

1. I haven't update my blog for a long long long long long time.
2. my blog is a damn emo blog.

hahaha. that means that i'm seldom emo which is a good thing.
well, to catch up on not so emo stuff which might bore people who intend to read this for the emo stuff,

1. I recently tendered my resignation but on my last week of notice, my boss kept me and gave me a promo and pay rise.
2. I want to start my own business next year, so I am pretty occupied these days
3. I just shifted, from walkable distance to the mrt to 2 bus stops away not v convenient, but it's near to his dad's and we are planning to survive the July-August heatwaves at night with aircon. LOL
4. and yup, I'm still attached. and I wish to be for another good 40 years or so even though I emo and pen down stuff often.

I realised over time that I am more expressive with writing then talking.
More often than not, what flows through my fingers are more truthful than quick words that escapes my lips.

So yea, maybe I should spend my time writing when I need a distraction. :)

With the advance technology that connects all more generations, its sometimes best to keep to face to face interaction. Knowledge is power. It can't hurt if you dun know.

What a day. Sigh.

Love~

You know it's love when you feel this bliss, so intense it hurts.
You know it's love when he makes it hard to breathe around him.

You know it's love when you gone through so much and are still together.
And still, love each other.

Happy New Year

Say goodbye to 2013 and welcome to 2014 where I look forward to Royal Caribbean in January and Japan in March.

To sum up my 2013 with a song, it has to be this:

2014 has to be a better year.

complacency

Humans like to be in their comfort zone. Hang out w the friends they r confortable with, sleep when u r tired, be with the same guy u were with for the last 10 years because he knows u for who u are and is always there for you.

Until you lose them. I never realised how often hair drops and you have to sweep the floor until I moved out on my own. I never realised how much time do I have to spend ironing a weeks clothes until I had to iron them myself. I never had a problem with little affection until I never get them.

Thats how humans are. They take things around them for granted. They get used to the constants in life till they no longer have them.

Humans are lazy creatures. They become lazy in work when they know their job. They know they are not gg to get fired so long as they do the minimum.

They become lazy in the relationship because they know they are already together. They take for granted that the other half will always be there. Tidy the house, clean the fan, wash the clothes, drive to work, buy breakfast, etc.

Then the dates, the sex, the fun, the dressing up, the crazy things they do, ends.

They became staying at home, being a deadfish, doing the same things every weekend; sleep mostly. Tiredness is always the excuse. And one day, the other party will b tired of all these and throw in the towel.

It takes two hands to clap and all everyone needs, is to be appreciated. Make a little effort and all will be happy. Show them you are appreciative, smile and thank them; seeing your love ones happy makes any job worth it, make up to them in little ways, have fun together, set aside one day for date, sex, fun, or anything that makes them happy. takes a little but it means alot.

Have you done what you need to do today to make someone important in your life happy?

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3rd week

I can't imagine life after when its already like this now.

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